Give us a break, Mother Nature!
As event promoters, my partner and I often have to deal with unknown variables. The worst of which is the weather! The past 2 weekends have been a washout - literally. It’s so discouraging when you put so much time and effort into planning, prepping, selling and marketing an event, you long for the payoff of it being successful. But, outdoor events when it thunderstorms like crazy and indoor events that take place in the midst of a big storm front are never good things.
Currently, Sterling and I are sitting watching the weather channel and cringing as it appears we will be getting severely dumped on right before our event is to start tonight. And, it’s supposed to last all the way through till early morning! Will people still come out? Will they risk the storm? Will they be able to get home if they do come? Will the DJ make it? Will all our work carrying everything to the event be for nothing?!
You can never tell! So, for now, we are hoping for the best but planning for the worst. Hmmm, I hope the liquor store stays open in case the event does get cancelled!!
Recently, my partner, Sterling has needed some reassurances that I am not looking to be with other men. Now, for me, this is somewhat absurd since I am a guy could never and would never break the trust or commitment I have with him. I love him dearly.
So, we’ve had several discussions regarding this topic over the past few weeks. I know he knows how much I love him but he always seems to focus on what guys in his past have been like and assumes I’m going to be like them if not now, eventually. Why is it that in DC gay men seem to just sit back and wait for their boyfriend or partner to cheat on them? Am I the only guy that can commit to being with my man and stick to it?
It all comes down to honesty in my book. If, for any reason, I even thought about cheating, I would sit down with my partner and talk about it and try to get to the bottom of why I was feeling that way. But, in my case, I’m totally madly and completely in love with Sterling. I can’t imagine anyone else by my side for life. Does he and do we have our troubles? Yes, of course we do! We are human after all. However, at the end of the day, I know that I want to come home to him and his smile. I want to hold him, love him and feel his love for me. He is my man and I need NO others!
I think it’s time for many DC men and maybe gay men in general to grow up! Life is about being happy and from the many Facebook posts and relationship status changes I see on a daily basis, most of you are not happy! Your just blindly sexing your way through life with guys of the moment, trying to steal other peoples boyfriends to satisfy your aging ego or backing away from good relationships because you are afraid that commitment will make you less of yourself and so many other things I will not write down.
I love Sterling. I cherish Sterling. He is my beautiful man and I’m thankful each day for him. It would break my heart to ever hurt him in any way. So, if occasionally due to the way he was treated by his exes, he needs some reassurances, I’m more than happy to give him those.
Back at it!
So, I’ve been completely negligent in my blogging over the past year. As they say, Life happens! And, for me, it happened in a big way. Love, work, no work, part-time business and a host of other things kept me pretty busy.
Over my next few posts, I’ll get into more detail about much of what has had my mind so tied up and unable to get on here and write. It’s strange really because normally I love to write and get my feelings out.
Here goes my attempt to be a faithful blogger once again. It should be very enlightening!
Lincoln’s Legacy for GLBT Rights
Lincoln’s Legacy for GLBT Rights
Sparked by a debate with a Log Cabin Republican friend of mine, I began reviewing information surrounding the Civil Rights movement in the United States. It’s part of our history that stands very relevant to every member of the GLBT community. I was struck by the overwhelming realization that the Democratic Party is today what it is thanks largely to the efforts of moderate/liberal Democrats and the “Lincoln Republicans”. I know that before I even make these statements there are Republicans out there ready to pounce on the very thought that they are any different than they were in the 60’s. But, from what I see, it is the truth.
In 1960, when the Civil Rights Act of 1960 was put on the floor, 18 Southern Democrats tried hard to keep it from coming to a vote. After the longest filibuster in history it finally passed. Then, when Kennedy put forth Civil Rights legislation in 1963 it was not received well by Southern Democrats and by conservative Republicans. After Kennedy’s assassination, Johnson pushed the major bill through in 1964 along with high level of public support; we began to see those very conservative Southern Democrats migrate to the Republican party. As the Republican Party became more conservative, those who once would have been “Lincoln Republicans” were now more aligned with the ideals of the more socially conscious and liberal (by comparison) Democratic Party.
For me, this is when we began to truly see the Democratic and Republican parties we know today. Of course, we have seen minor fluctuations within each party to try to conform to cultural changes. But, the Democrats stand as the more liberal and the Republicans the most conservative. So, today as the GLBT community looks out to the political battle field hoping for a champion to help us win our equality, we typically find that our greatest allies are within the Democratic Party.
Are we misguided for putting our faith in a small select group of people? That is open for debate. But, as history has shown us, nothing happens without the outcry of public support. Lincoln knew that he would never win over everyone when it came to acknowledging the rights of the slaves, but he was willing to take our country to war to secure those liberties. His legacy lives on currently in the Democratic Party. Although there are Republicans who will quietly support GLBT rights, it’s definitely not a platform item that they hold up to the spotlight.
Our mission as the GLBT community is to raise the level of public outcry that will enable bi-partisan support of GLBT equality. President Obama and the members of Congress will be able to act only when they have confidence in overall public support. We as the GLBT community shouldn’t be standing around and waiting for someone to just make it happen. We all need to be Martin Luther King Jr. to our communities. We need to work together as Democrats, Log Cabin Republicans, Republicans, Independents or whatever party to which you feel allied. We need to be active in building VISIBLE support for GLBT equality. It’s one thing to have someone tell you they support it, it’s another to have them contact their congressman or stand up for GLBT rights at your work place, group or organization.
Lincoln’s legacy lives on currently with the Democratic Party. In many ways, it is our civil war to win equality. Support those who support you with their words and actions. Don’t Ask Don’t Tell and DOMA are still very real. What have you done to help get them repealed? Take time to take action. Contact your congressman and tell him/her that the time for GLBT equality is NOW and that they have your support!
It’s Never That Bad
Reading today that Alexander McQueen had committed suicide, really made me truly sad. It is just a tragedy that anyone would reach the point to where they no longer feel like living. I’ll admit I’ve been really down at times where I felt that life was really pissing me off. I have felt that my world was just closing in on me. But, I’ve never been so low that I wanted to end my life.
Even now, as I sit here in the Midwest, with no job, no apartment and only hopes to keep me going, I’m no where near that point. Alexander had the world at his fingertips. His designs were loved and well received by the fashion world. He seemingly was doing well financially and had a new line about to be premiere. He had so much to live for! Apparently, his mother had passed away just a few days ago. I know how hard losing your mother can be. I lost my mother when she was only 42 years old from lung cancer. Losing her was and still is a process of getting through those feelings. Was that enough to push him to the brink of hopelessness?
I guess I’m thankful for being mentally stable enough to handle of my my current and previous life trials. I will persevere. I will come through all of this with a new sense of hope and inspiration. I admit I’m pretty anxious to get to that point. I’m looking forward to taking this experience and making myself stronger and wiser. That’s the key. Always remember that life is just a series of tests. There is always hope at the end of the tunnel.
Never give up. Never surrender. Smile like it’s the best day you have ever had and it soon will be!
My Daily Reality
Every day I sit in front of my computer and search job site after job site. Each day I have hope that I will get that call or email from a company that wants to hire me. The act of job hunting take more effort and gives me more stress than actually going to work. It is exhausting.
I have so much I want to accomplish. However, being unemployed, makes me feel like I’m in a box - trapped living a life I never thought I’d be living. I have so much to offer the world but life circumstances have it all on hold. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t change the path I have taken in life. Moving to DC has allowed me to make many wonderful friends. These friends are like an extension of my family. And, right now, I miss them so much.
So, I’ll keep getting up every day and hoping - hoping that today will be the day. I’ll hope that today will be the day I get a chance to get my life back. Hoping that today I’ll get able to once again feel like I’m a real part of the world again. Hoping that I will have my own place instead of a storage bin and temporary housing.
Job Quest Continues
It really shouldn’t be this hard. I mean how many hundreds of applications do I need to fill out? How many resumes do I need to send? How many cover letters do I need to write? I understand that persistence is the key, but this is unbelievable.
I have applied for hundreds of positions that I know I am more than qualified for. Some of them have been perfect matches for my credentials. So, I’m left with the assumption that it is all falling back on the “who you know” statistic. I have been working to utilize my contacts and networking outlets throughout the past year. I’ve gotten a couple of interviews that have either been concluded with “you have way more experience than we need” or “unfortunately we need someone with “Hill” experience or who “already has a security clearance”. ARGH!
Sooner or later something has to come through. I refuse to believe that my 16 years of experience have no value in the marketplace. I just need to get in front of these people somehow to show them what an amazing asset I would be to their company. That’s the key. I just need to get the right connection. But, in the meantime, I’m still shoveling out the resumes and filling out the applications.
I can’t wait to just be getting up and going to work every morning again.
My Inner Poet Takes Over
How I Know
It’s not about where we are
Or what we do tonight
It’s in those tender moments
That I know that it feels right.
It’s the lifetime of understanding
As we both give subtle stares.
It’s in those gentle touches
That let me know you care.
It’s the head spinning moments
Every time I see you smile.
It’s your hand on my shoulder
That makes my day worth while.
It’s in the embrace and gentle kiss
As we end our dance tonight
I’ll hurry home and think of you
Until my dreams take flight.
Lifestyles of the Unemployed
It’s been 14 months since I was employed. My quest for new employment has been relentless. I have been utilizing every resource I can get my hands on but nothing ever seems to get anywhere. I’m not even being picky about the companies or the specific position I’m applying for anymore. I’m feeling extremely frustrated. With over 16 years of experience, you would think that it would be easy to get a new position - not so much.
I know that companies want to attempt to take advantage of the current economy and try to get the most highly credentialed people and pay them next to nothing. So, when I send in my resume for positions that I typically could have nailed, I’m getting no response. In one particular situation, the mid-level position I applied for was filled by someone with a PhD and 20 years of experience. That is absolutely insane!
So, in the shambles of my unemployed life, I’ve lost so much of my independence. That alone is enough to make me want ANY job to just get back to having my own life again. As I can no longer afford to have my own place, I’ve been staying with family while continuing to look for work. I’m grateful but it is definitely not the way I want to be living.
As for relationships, this has been a nightmare. For months after losing my job, my world was in such turmoil I didn’t know which end was up. After getting myself grounded once again, I guarded myself against getting too close to anyone so I didn’t have to make excuses or lie about my financial situation. I’ve been doing odd-jobs like pet sitting to get grocery and gas money. Who wants to tell someone they might be interested that “Yes, I’m a very experience and qualified professional marketing/PR guy who is walking dogs to buy food”? So, what do you do when you meet someone who you actually enjoy being with and who seems to enjoy being with you? I’ve been racking my brain over the whole thing for days. Point one: I want him to know that I’m not a loser. Point two: I can’t even speak to him face to face since I’m 500 miles away, so does it even matter? Point three: My attempts to get a new job and a new place to live have fallen flat so far. Is there any point in even worrying about the potential? Should I just back up and forget about any prospects of a happy personal life until I have a job and a place to live?
So, my world keeps spinning around. I sit her applying to almost every job posting in the DC area that I am in any way qualified for. I sit here